When I started to come out of the mental breakdown I had back in Sept 2017; I finally went back to church In February. The pastor talked with me and did something very special for me. He said that the sermon series he was about to do would speak to me loudly and that he was going to challenge me to come for all 6 sermons in the series and then make a decision whether or not i stay home or come back to church. I agreed to come for JUST the 6 week sermon series of “Restored”. Looking back, God used my pastor in a huge way. That sermon series sparked my interested and I felt as though God was talking to me and only me. The theme of this series… What a mess this is !
During the next 6 weeks God spoke to me so loudly that was all I could hear. Out of this series I heard God say in 6 months you are to start a Mental Health Peer Support Group at your church. I spoke to the Pastor and He was all over it… said yes yes yes… we can do that. Talked with Associate Pastor and He agreed also. So the plan was to start in 6 months (October). Well small groups started up in September and I forgot that God told me 6 months. We started the group and well…. it has been a slow start. First night, two showed up and we had a great conversation. Then the following week no one showed up. Then the following week the church forgot to open the door and I accidental set the church alarm off. I was so devastated. My husband said have patience it will happen. He had more faith than I did at this moment. Fast forward and we are in week 6 now.
I have been making post on social media and felt like I had a good show of support. Some interest, some comments, lots of likes and loves. I really thought God was going to show up and show out ! Meeting #6 and no one showed up at all. So I spent the time in the prayer chapel talking with God. Asking if I was doing what was HIS WILL or was I doing my fleshly will ? I need to know because as much as I know God is calling me to do this… I am devastated and frustrated. I really thought more would come. I admit I have had one this night and 3 this night but no consistency. So, I asked God again… Is this your Will or my flesh trying to do something? I begged God to speak to me. Reminding Him that He used to speak to the prophets and that He guided them on their path. Why are you not guiding me on my path God. Okay, so yes, I had a conversation of begging and pleading with God last Thursday night while in the prayer chapel. I left and felt… Okay… Just Okay. Nothing note worthy happened except I spilled my soul to God.
So now I ask you – how does God speak to us in today’s time ??? How ?
I picked up one of the The Upper Room booklets on my way out that night and when I got home I read this…
Dear God, strengthen us in mind, body, and spirit to serve you and not grow weary in doing good. Amen
Then in another devotional a friend had mailed to me (SH) I read….
He opens doors and closes doors for my protection and for the purpose of HIS will, not mine.
When Peter’s eyes remained on Jesus, he was fine. But the moment Peter stopped looking at Jesus and started looking at what was going on around him, he began to sink.
When we listen to the enemy and begin looking around us instead of up at Jesus, we allow the world to overwhelm us.
So now I am super confused in my thinking. Has God closed the door for my protection or is it still open ?
Today’s devotional state… When we obey God’s call, we receive power from the Holy Spirit, who will do great things in our lives. What spiritual gifts can I share with the world ?
In the devotionals there is scripture for deeper thought…
Psalm 37:23 – The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. (footnotes: God watches over and makes firm every step that person takes. If you would like to have God direct your way, then seek His advice before you step out)
Proverbs 3:5-8 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will direct your path. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil. Then you will gain renewed health and vitality. (footnotes: …Bring your decisions to God in prayer; use the Bible as your guide; and then follow God’s leading. He will direct your path by guiding and protecting.)
Romans 12:2 – Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. (footnotes: God has good, pleasing and perfect plans for his children. He wants to transform and renew our minds. Let God change the way you think)
I need some spiritual help… Is this the way we hear from God in today’s time? Does He lead us to scripture that confirms or denies ? If so, I am confused a tad bit… How do I know if this new path is HIS WILL or mine? I will say several have come to me and said that this was great starting a group like this and to keep focus and not give up. Some have wanted to come – just don’t have the energy – Some have said what a great thing you are doing. I feel so passionate about mental illness that I cannot stop thinking, reading, studying about it. I do know scripture says God will not give you the desires of the heart if He does not plan on honoring them… right ? Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.
So my friends, what is your interpretation of the above…. Is God speaking to me and if so, what is He saying to me ? Walk with me and share your insight please.